Now that the inconsequential squall over Peter Hain’s donations has subsided I wasn’t planning to write about Peter for a bit. But then I saw this outrageous article in The Telegraph by Simon Heffer and I thought again. Heffer has the temerity to write that Peter’s ‘contribution to our good governance remains not even debatable: for most of us could not, for the life of us, start to imagine what real or illusory achievements he has that might be debated’. The first post I ever wrote on this blog contained an ‘Ode to Peter Hain’. I was so shocked and angered by Heffer’s rant that I decided to compose another verse recounting – with a Popean majesty of style – the life, works and struggles of this great man. Read it and weep Heffer. It shows that Peter has done more for public life than you and your nasty little columns ever will.
Hain was born in the land of the leaping gazelle,
But he saw that his country was not doing well,
So he joined with the Liberals and, acting with speed,
Saw that Nelson Mandela was from his jail freed.
Then to Putney Hain moved, far from racist white bullies,
But when buying some typewriter ribbon in Woolies
A quite brutal bank robbery took place nearby.
This was not what it seemed; it was something most sly –
The South African secret police had a plot:
To incriminate Hain so in prison he’d rot,
And though this was the act of a look-alike grim
At the ID parade two small schoolboys picked him.
It was David Steel though who backed Hain to the hilt
And thus Hain was emphatically cleared of all guilt.
And next Hain, now he’d cut his political teeth,
Was elected MP for New Labour in Neath.
In the FO he served and showed how it was right
For Gibraltar and Spain to make peace and unite.
And his next job was Ulster in which he excelled –
To abandon armed struggle Sinn Fein was compelled.
All the murderings ceased, life was not at all tough,
And McGuinness and Paisley can’t praise him enough.
Then the crisis in pensions of us he did rid,
And he then launched a deputy leadership bid.
And Prime Minister Brown from the rooftops did shout,
‘Peter Hain is a chap I could ne’er do without!’
2 comments:
Inconsequential? The man broke the law. Even his boss said he was incompetent, although to an objective observer it looks like he was deliberately hiding the donations, having used a fake think tank.
Of course he is already a convicted criminal. While you mention the plot to frame him I notice you fail to mention that he has been convicted of conspiracy in completely a separate case.
I am not sure how you can imply that it is right for Gibraltar and Spain to be united, since 98% of the population of Gibraltar don't want that! The IRA cease fire started under Major. There was a flaring of violence after that, but peace was inevitable; Hain can take no honest credit for the ending of violence. In fact he helped ensure poor terms for that peace, by caving in to Sinn Fein.
Of course Brown caused the pension crisis, which is still with us. So Hain did not get rid of it.
So in British politics, even according to your description of his life's works, Hain has done nothing but try to bully peaceful Gibraltarians and Ulstermen, and fail to sort out Brown's mess. Oh dear, not a very good case!
Else spoof so obsure,
as to McGonagall, in Tay bridge ode,
so, for the Dead Sheep,
is the light shining from his bottom in his eyes.
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