Dead Sheep backs Dave.

As my great hero and mentor Mr Quentin Davies MP now appears to be edging back to the Tories, I thought I’d write a poem about recent events:

They told us Gord was such a clever bleeder
And many an awesome policy would wield.
But at his final budget, his great deed? Er,
A tax hike which from the most poorest stealed,
And when concerns the PM failed to heed. A
Rebellion headed by the good Frank Field –
As ruthless, cunning, swift as Al Quieda –
Ensured this wretched tax law was repealed.
And Dave called Gord ‘a loser not a leader’,
And from that moment Gordon’s fate was sealed.
So who now can our desperate nation save?
I shout five times: ‘Tis Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave!

Bye, bye…

A poem for Budget Day.

Darling produced a budget of great skill,
And used the word ‘stability’ a lot.
But then the atmosphere turned somewhat ill
When Dave claimed mighty Ed had said ‘So what?’
With rage this vile untruth did my heart fill –
Good Ed had said ‘So weak’ you stupid clot!
Sad that a man who wants to rule our nation
Should seek advantage from a misquotation.

Quite a good egg, Nick Clegg.

I don’t normally have much time for the Liberal Democrats, but what splendid day it’s been for them. Their courageous leader Nick Clegg has shown impeccable judgement by joining with Gordon to defeat the Tories’ swivel-eyed, xenophobic and anti-European amendment to the Lisbon Treaty. This is a glorious day for the authority of Gordon, Parliament and democracy. Thank you for being part of it Nick. Here’s a sonnet in you honour:

An arsonist convicted is Nick Clegg,
But please don’t think that means he is a loon.
He was an MEP, then very soon
Became the candidate for the impreg-
Nable seat of Sheff. Hallam – a good egg!
And all the Orange Bookers they did swoon.
Though he was dubbed ‘Calamity’ by Huhne,
On this to differ I would have to beg.
Then came that wicked Euro-sceptic Dave.
To wreck the Lisbon Treaty Dave was straining.
But Nick joined Gord – the Treaty they would save!
He three-line-whipped his troops into abstaining,
And happy Gordon smiled with his white teeth.
(Though they resigned – Carmichael, Farron, Heath)

Cameron's eco-policy goes to the dogs.

Apologies for not being able to post as regularly as I’d have liked over the last week or so. To make amends, and to celebrate Gordon’s latest brilliant, courageous and far-sighted policy on the environment, I have written a poem recounting the rise and demise of David Cameron and his sham eco-credentials.

The depths the Tories sink to’s quite obscene.
Of their sly opportunism here’s proof:
Dave Cameron made out that he was green,

And did attach a windmill to his roof.
And to a glacier travelled on a sledge.
(I am assured it’s real and not a spoof.)

‘Vote Blue go Green’ he cynically did pledge.
And all the pliant media hacks did swallow it.
But then the Daily Mirror did allege

That Dave’s bike had a limousine to follow it.
With eco-folk this was a travesty for them
And they had to admit how crass and hollow it

Was. But then Gordon caused a lot of glee for them:
With plastic bags we'll have to pay a fee for them.

Cameron is a Nazi (part II).

As I made clear on an earlier thread, Nazism is too serious a subject to be used for cheap political point scoring over one’s opponents by wilfully misrepresenting of their words. This subject demands cool language and responsible analysis. However, to describe, as David Cameron has, the death of six million people under the Final Solution as ‘a gimmick’ is an unpardonable slur upon Hitler’s victims and their families. In 2001 William Hague wanted asylum seekers rounded up and imprisoned in concentration camps. By trivializing the Holocaust in this way Cameron has demonstrated that he is an equally committed fascist as his predecessor. It is clear that today’s Tory Party is a million miles away from the moderate party of Edward Heath.

Burgers and chips are a privilege, not a right!

This really is a government brimming with ideas. The latest, that smokers must pay £200 a year for a permit entitling them to buy cigarettes, is quite brilliant. And why not extend the scheme to alcohol? Moreover, we could introduce random drink tests for individuals – if the authorities discover that you’re getting too pissed too often then you’re drinking permit will be revoked. And why not extend the scheme to fatty foods? Again, if you fail a regular obesity test then you forfeit the privilege to buy chips, burgers, crisps etc. This is essentially the same principle as the MOT, and no one objects to that. It will make us healthier while increasing revenue for the Treasury to invest in schools and hospitals.

Oh woe! It's finito for Guto!

Iain Dale reports the sad news today that the BBC political correspondent, Guto Harri, is leaving the corporation. Like Iain I was both shocked and upset. BBC political bulletins will be a darker and lonelier place without him. Here’s my poetic tribute:

Professional, objective, fair, that is our Guto.
Broadcasted on Welsh-language radio – quite a feat oh.
And so stopped spoken Welsh becoming obsolete oh,
He’s someone I have really always wished to meet oh.
Once on the Ten O‘Clock News – this was quite a treat oh –
He hid the fact that Tony Blair was booed, how neat oh!
But his unhappy bosses read from the charge sheet oh.
He was accused of bias, for the sake of Pete oh!
But now his fine career is very much complete oh,
On Fleishman-Hillard’s board he was given a seat oh.*

* I don’t know if Guto has actually been given a seat on the board, but it's poetic licence.